You can’t keep dragging that dead weight around

Gave myself some time to laze around the house today after 11 days of traveling with the family. 

Unpacked, sorted out souvenirs, lay in bed for the longest time ever scrolling tumblr and watching youtube videos. Can’t rmb the last time I had a day as slow as this, and I have to say it’s rather rejuvenating. 

Watched my thoughts pass me by, both the unfamiliar and the familiar. The familiar ones gnawed at my heart as usual, but I’ve learnt to take it as it comes because ‘This too shall pass.’ And I’ve discovered that everything has a balance in life – for with 11 days of happiness, there must be, has to be at least one day of reminiscing and longing for the good time you had. The trip to Hokkaido and Tokyo this past one and a half weeks was definitely one of the best I had with my family – even better than Europe I must say. It was a good balance of shopping, sightseeing, fantastic food, theme parks, magic, fun, arguments, and loving accommodation. As much as I love my family, they are – we are – imperfect like everyone else and there were bad days even within the trip, when smoking was brought up especially, but we learnt to get through that. At the end of the day, they’re the closest thing to my heart and I never want to live a day without them as far as I can think about the future. 

Finding myself, searching within myself every day. Mostly, I find that I do not like what I discover about myself but I learn to deal with my imperfections anyway. I woke up from a dream just now, that I’m almost ashamed to talk about because that would mean regressing. Going back to the past when I swore I had moved on. As I grow up I realize nothing is in black and white anymore. Neither are they in solid colors. Everything is in shades and everything is fluid. I’m scared to finish One Day, or even to read it because it reminds me so much of what I need so badly to forget. But there is a nagging feeling in me that’s telling me to finish it because it might provide some form of closure. What the hell, why do I still need closure? 

Things I need to do: come out of my shell, get a job, paint and cook. Sleepover with the fav neighbors later, it’s been a while now. 

‘The heart is not so easily changed, but the head can be persuaded.’

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