Strange how I am trying to feel something, but… There is nothing there anymore.

This is weird… I don’t understand myself.


Moving out

So I’m in my hall room now packing up getting ready to move out in about 2 hours.. :( 

Did some video with Marchew where we asked each other 3 questions, and one of her questions was ‘what was your most emotional moment in hall’, to which I replied ‘Now, when I’m preparing to move out.’ 

Of course it wasn’t this hard in December, because I knew I’d be coming back for another semester. Now when I move out, I’m moving out for good. Another freshie will be staying in my room come August. Things are constantly changing and it just makes me cherish the present moment even more. Not like I’m regretting my decision not to stay, but all the memories in my room just came back so vividly. All the heart to heart talks in here, all the times when my neighbors were there for me.. The time when Cherynn slept beside me because I had a traumatic night at Zouk, the time when Amanda and I talked till 6am after dim sum supper, the first time I cried and when Mel and Cher came in to check on me, when I freaked out about life/shaca/studies and all the freshies came in to talk – countless to name, really. I’m so glad that I chose Sheares Hall – the best university freshie experience I could EVER ask for. And now I’m longer a freshie, wut!??!? I can’t seem to be able to grasp this fact very well. Going to take as many pictures with my room as possible. Thanks for the memories B614 <3 

Guess I should really stop being a weakling and start packing now.. hhahaha ok more reflections when I get home maybe. Everything feels so surreal :(

I just.. don’t feel like studying anymore :( filled up my May calendar and I’m feeling so excited I’m about to explodeeeeeeee. 

Also, how liberating it feels to not have to factor one person into all my plans, like I used to. :) It really got exhausting after a while, and I’m so glad I’m out of it. And like what I told R the other day, I always felt like I was on the verge of losing something, afraid of doing something wrong and nope that isn’t a good feeling and I’d never wanna go back there again. 

Noticed that I love filling up my calendar with plans with people I care about, really need to fill myself in on their lives I feel like I’ve been missing out so much :( #1 goal for summer – to actually do/ learn what I said I’d do. 

I can’t finish studying….. Kill me nowowowowow