I usually write when I’m sad, so let today be an exception.
Was sitting at the bus stop waiting for my bus home from Weilin’s house when I felt this wave of calmness and serenity rush over me. Might be exaggerating just a little, but it was something worth rejoicing over, especially after days of feeling so jaded and weary since I fell ill from god knows what I’m still unsure. And following which came emotional insecurity and whatnot, thinking too much about the past and feeling too much as usual. But the point is, sitting there looking forward to my dinner and grandma fighting hard at home, I felt like God was giving me a big hug.
This year is probably one of the toughest years I had to face emotionally, and I know its purpose – to strengthen me. As the youngest child of the family my feelings were always protected. I was allowed to escape, allowed to ignore problems till they went away because what is family without forgiveness? No matter how bad I had it outside, there was always family to come home to, and that still is the case now. My friends since my Dunman days were constantly supportive, even with my short temper and occasional walking away which usually leave people speechless and worried. But with the new year came a whole host of other issues I had to deal with. In a sense I was very much forced to grow up. The person I turned into my most important pillar of support suddenly disappeared from my life, and I had to go through a whole semester without waking up to his texts, without looking forward to weekend meet-ups and without turning to him whenever I left lost or afraid. But somehow without realizing, I made it 4 months without crying or breaking down too much hahaha. This whole episode made me open up so much more to people as well, to let words of healing enter my life, to allow myself to be vulnerable in front of others. (Cried countless of times in front of my neighbours haha) I tried to make sure I went through the healthiest healing process, and my friends & family made sure of that too.
I am so lucky – to be able to be surrounded by so much love everyday. My family (even my brother who is happily traveling the world, currently in Africa) who had my back from the very start and I know will continue to do that till the end, the bridesmaids whom I grew up with and I know will stick around till the end, my wonderful wonderful neighbors who have been the biggest blessing to me since university started, and Daddy God who has a perfect plan for me in sight. :)
My grandma was finally discharged from the hospital yesterday and her condition is getting so much better since coming home :) Am so thankful for her and inspired at how she’s such a strong fighter despite her being so small (like me!!) Nothing’s gonna get her down, and nothing’s going to get me down either.
Also, attempting a healthy lifestyle of sleeping at 1030-11 everyday and waking up at 630-7. Worked for the first day and we’ll see how it goes hehe. Easter Sunday tomorrow and am heading back to church with momsie. Looking forward to coming home to the house of God.