Landslide

‘Well I’ve been afraid of changing
Cos I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, children get older
And I’m getting older too’

Seven intense weeks of academic & CCA stress ahead.. starting tmr. With stress also comes the sense of accomplishment when it’s over so.. pls let me manage it well :(

Realised how emotional I’ve been getting since uni started.. I didn’t even get this easily stressed, upset and insecure in Y5 and Y6. It’s like I’m having some quarter life crisis of some sort. Gotta stop relying too much on how I feel even though it has always been the one thing that guides me and motivates me. But it also crushes me. What’s the point in feeling so much when you can’t even articulate it properly? I hate sounding a fool especially when my heart moves faster than my brain. It’s worse when you have to explain it to someone who doesn’t understand at all. Change is in order I guess. I need to rationalize more, and put my faith not in things or anyone else but God. In You my hope is secure :) Time to grow up, Natalie. “Some walks you have to take alone” 

Also, realised I’ve been getting too addicted to social media. Instagram, tumblr, twitter, even facebook which used to be just for photos for me. It’s time to stoppp, there’s no more time to waste

There’s More To Life Than Happiness

By Kovie Biakolo

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I often think that the reason why everyone is so obsessed with happiness in this part of the world – the West – is because people find it more difficult to be happy here. Why? Well, I think people attach far too much of their identity to their material wealth, as well as to the expectations and illusions of what constitutes a good life. The irony is that being an African and having seen some abject poverty there, and having also travelled to places where absolute poverty is an everyday reality for some people, I maintain that I have witnessed more happiness among those who have less. But having a little, just like having a lot, is overrated. In other words, being poor is not desirable but having more than you need, and indeed being rich, is also complicated. And neither necessarily correlates to happiness.

The good news is, like Emerson, I think there is far more to life than happiness. Happiness is that thing that everybody seeks to find in their lifetime these days; it has become the Utopia of emotions. Of course I would also argue that happiness is much more than an emotion but an actual way of life; it is a choice, it is an experience, and it is a state of being. You can be a happy person and yet also completely embody and express emotions that are the exact opposite of happiness. And I think because part of our human experience is experiencing emotions that vastly contrast happiness, we must find other resolves in this life.

In my undergrad, I made friends with a family that became my family away from home. The dad was a professor at a university and I remember him and I having a discussion about happiness. He said that if you asked people two, three, hundred years ago what they wanted, they would have probably said, “Salvation.” If you ask people today, they say, “I want to be happy.” Happiness has become this thing that people have constructed into something so grandeur that it seems worth chasing at all costs; something that is akin to salvation, if one were to believe in that. But happiness many times is elusive, because of the way we live our lives. We mistake it for fleeting moments of pleasure, for comfort, and sometimes for even getting what we want. And even when we find happiness, when we experience it, when it becomes a part of who we are, I think the soul, the mind, and the body, need more.

You know what (I think) would make me happy? If I were paid to spend the rest of my days writing books and articles and learning everything I could, at my own pace. If I got to travel to every single part of the earth and came into contact with almost every culture. If I met the love of my life and we had wonderful kids and a happy marriage, and a good life with good family and friends. If at the end of my life, I had left a legacy of beautiful creations and made a difference to those who needed a difference; maybe solved a human problem like world hunger. And if at the end of it all, I knew for absolutely certain that I’d die in a state of grace and heaven would be my next stop after my last breath.

But guess what? Not only are any of these things not guaranteed, they are also unlikely to come without effort and suffering and problems and tears. And the truth is we all become better people because of the unexpected trials and heartbreak that we face. We become humble enough to know that we can’t have every single thing we want, and that we must be willing to sacrifice to get the things we want the most. We become attentive to the reality that the world does not revolve around us and our needs, and challenge ourselves to alleviate the pains of others. We become insightful that though happiness matters, it is not the only thing that matters. That doing good, doing the right thing, and having the courage to say and do the things that we are afraid to do, the things that we might be persecuted for, will sometimes involve a sacrifice of this thing we call happiness.

Earlier this year, I submitted a questionnaire to my professor who wanted to get to know us better prior to the quarter starting. She asked, “What would you like said about you after you’re gone?” I wrote down something very simple, “She [I] made a difference.” And in my heart, I guess I believe that everyone wants to make a difference before they are gone, whether in a small or big way. We’re all just searching for meaning after all, aren’t we? We find it in many ways. But we won’t find it if we’re only looking to be happy. Happiness, I think, will come at the end of doing whatever it is we were meant to do on this earth, each day. Even when our days seem like they are filled with anything but happiness. Moreover, I believe all happiness on earth, no matter how much we have of it, can never be truly complete. In my faith, complete happiness comes after death if we have been deemed worthy of that gift.

So in the meantime, don’t just seek a life of happiness but keep yourself busy with your purpose and your neighbor’s purpose. Wake up every day like you mean it, sacrifice inconvenience for kindness; surround yourself with good people. Cry when you must, look for inspiration where you must. Never fall into any extreme; be truthful, be loyal, be a person of class no matter your status. Love more than you think is possible; forgive always. Be willing to sacrifice for what is good. And when you are tired, rest.”

One of those days

When:
1) Every song playing on my iPod doesn’t sound right
2) Losing patience with everyone and every little thing
3) ‘whatevs I rly don’t care’ runs through my head more often than usual
4) Everything seems so ridiculous I can’t even begin to explain it
5) even the words in this post sound awkward and strange

Tried to make sense of this but nope I am just having a bad day…….. Think I just need some food and a funny sitcom

P.S. REALLY glad I stay in hall now because public transport sucks

Heyho my blog is two years old!! Hahaha wordpress sent me this happy anniversary thing how cute.

So… getting a little anxious knowing how little time I have to study this week, but I would gladly block out days to make time for the people who are dear to me. It’ll just take a little more discipline on my part, something which I really need to instill in myself anyway. EL midterms next week eeeks first ‘exam’ since A Levels & I rly wanna do my best. Studying in hall after welcome treat later, fingers crossed that it’ll be productive!!

Initially came here cos I had time to spare before heading out but ooops look at the time now BYE

(edit) Just had our SHaca welcome treat haha loving this cca already + I got reunited with Chloe hoho so glad that we’re in the same pfm group for GLC!! Plus found out that we’re going caroling in December too omg dream come trueeeee. Ok must not get carried away, balance is everything now back to studying 😊

Screen Shot 2013-09-22 at 2.35.42 PM

What we do at 4am in the morning on a Friday morning HAHA luvv them ^_^

Not sure if it has to do with the fact that there are no lessons next week, but I’m generally in a much better mood now that Week 6 is over :) Was so elated that I finally completed my sociology assignment (though it wasn’t v well done) that I went to Amanda’s room to announce it (LOL yes sorry I felt the need to do so) and we ended up talking till 4+ so we decided to crash there even though both our beds were just next door hahahaha. AND I actually managed to get up in time for my 9am lesson!! And napped for 4 hours in the afternoon #nocturnal

Driving on the road and in the circuit after close to 2 months of hiatus was nerve-wrecking to say the least, but THANK GOD I had nice instructors and I wasn’t thaaat sleepy even though I had morning lessons. Can’t wait to get my license haha be careful Singapore, road hazard coming your way

Mid terms starting in 2 weeks and it’ll be finals soon after.. hard to believe that half the semester is already over?!?!? Soon it’ll be December my fav month ever, and Christmas my fav holiday on earth. But I’d better make full use of my time as a freshie in Sem 1, will definitely miss being a ‘junior’ once I get older..

Loving how laidback my Sunday has been so far, updating to ios7 and then.. it’s more readings with my afternoon tea hehe

‘In a bulletproof vest
With the windows all closed
I’ll be doing my best
And I’ll see you soon’

X

 

Exhaustion, lethargy, not caring about how I dress or look anymore – signs that it’s already Thursday and I’m beginning to give up on life LOL. Friday feels like an eternity away even though it’s only tmr…. 

And my EYEBAG has been twitching sporadically for the entire day what on earth?! I mean yes twitching eyelids mean something bad is gonna happen right so what is it the opposite now 

I don’t even have a point of posting anymore haaaaaa I get weird when I’m sleep-deprived

Dear Xin Tian bought Old Chang Kee breakfast for me this morning knowing that I always skip breakfast because I wake up late :’) super touched haha thank you friend!! & my parents delivered beef fried rice from the restaurant yesterday when they came to hall to pass me my soccer boots knowing that I was too busy for lunch too.. Ahhh feeling loved :)))

To sum up my hall life –

Me at 10pm everyday: Ok ok I shall sleep by 1 tonight so I’ll get a full 8 hours and feel refreshed tmr
Me at 3am everyday: What is sleep

And yet I still have time to post on wordpress hor HAHA what a joke.. uhhh I rly need to put things in perspective and DISCIPLINE myself k bb soci awaits

‘You can have whatever you are willing to struggle for.’

Not even halfway through the week and I’m already trying so hard to keep up with everything. Balance balance balance is everything!! Glad that I got into the CCAs I wanted, but now it’s a matter of managing my time well because I really want to do well this sem.. Shaca chorale touch rug soccer VC here we go~

For once I’m not looking forward to the weekend because sometimes I feel it breaks my momentum. When I’m in hall and in NUS I’ll get used to a certain kind of lifestyle, and just when I think I’m getting used to it the weekend will arrive and I’m back to my post-As/ pre-uni life and absolutely no work gets done, just plenty of daydreaming and thinking which is mostly counter-productive.

Back to soci assignment!! Learning rly relevant and interesting things can’t help but feel fortunate. But um, assignments are still assignments and when things pile up it gets overwhelming and just.. no. Shall aim to sleep at 1 today especially after my 4am bedtime yesterday.

Have a great week ahead everybaaaddyyy ^-^

Blessed

20130916-003632.jpg

Was crying in my room feeling like a complete idiot when roses from my buaya got delivered & my neighbours knew something was wrong and came in to talk to me and comfort me..

Thankful for all these blessings I’ve been given even though I really don’t deserve them. I need to be stronger than this..

Random thought as I was trying to complete my Social Work tutorial before I revise a bit of my sign language (test later eeks), how even though what I’m learning/ doing now is rly not easy, the knowledge that I’m acquiring now is ultimately a means to help others in the future. Having a heart to help but no skills or knowledge to do so can only end up in helplessness and despair, so I should be glad that I’m drowning in readings because it’s a learning and growing process to mould me into the person I wanna be :) 

 

 

Can’t keep the thoughts out this late at night so here I am I guess…

Sigh I guess I should be more thankful for hall life because at least it keeps me occupied and prevents me from overthinking

Shall try my hardest to enjoy the rest of the weekend 😶