Breakable

Will always be back to revisit old memories, but for now, goodbye scentedsunshine :)

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Incomplete thoughts

It’s a long shot, but I’m glad I didn’t let laziness & apathy stop me from trying.

Realised that hope can pretty much sustain anything and anyone – a driving force that I definitely cannot do without.

Need some mid-week motivation, Wednesdays are the worst

Happy Sunday!

1. Planning the family trip to Europe soon and I am SO PSYCHED!!!! My dream is finally coming true :’D Got the Canon 650D today here’s hoping I can take good pictures during the trip hehe. Family spent so much on IT stuff today lol it’s about time we replaced all the faulty stuff at home lolll

2. Work is gonna be really busy this week…… Oh well 2 more weeks before I’m free!!!!! Then it’s internship + driving + volunteer work + redecorating my room + photography trips + baking sweet treats for my friends :-) Decided not to get another job till I complete everything on my post-As list yay so excited ^_^

3. Still not done with the essay & application hello procrastination it’s been a while

Goodnight & have a great week ahead everybody~ <3

P.S. This post sounds way too happy hope I keep this up to tackle the Monday blues tomorrow hahaha

Tenacity

Know what you want and fight for it.

Ridicz how money is literally the only thing standing between me and what I want, but it’s also reality. Reality is ridicz. One of those times I wish where I was just born into a rich family hahaha ok kidding, I’m already blessed with a loving and warm family and I’m honestly thankful for that, one shouldn’t ask for too much. In a way.. I guess not having the financial means to go there forces me to really fight for my dreams. (lol literally had a dream about winning the lottery that funded my education but that’s besides the point) As far as I remember I’ve never fought for anything in my life, ever. Everything was just there & if I wanted something and didn’t get it on the first try, I’d give up almost immediately LOL what a loser/ spoilt brat/ sheltered kid. So if I had the money to go overseas to study I wouldn’t have had to fight for anything for my entire life – maybe this is a blessing in disguise after all? My biggest flaw is probably the lack of tenacity so this is probably God moulding me into a better person. If I don’t get it, there will always be other options. I’d miss everyone here to death anyway, so that’ll save me the heartache. (HAHA trying to find reasons to make myself feel better in the worst case scenario) Oh well.

Certainly not about to give up now even though I’ve been feeling like doing so lately, being all pessimistic and feeling defeated even before the battle begins. It’s just really hard to think about rejection & feeling inferior again.. Rejection really sucks and who would want to go through it again and again right? Ok I rly need more confidence in myself……………… COME ON I CAN DO THIS I’M GONNA WRITE A BRILLIANT ESSAY GO ME

P.S. I’m so sure of it now but how am I ever going to tell you :(

Don’t settle

“You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.

As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”

– Steve Jobs

I hope I never settle for anything less than what I want. But sometimes I think I can be foolishly idealistic. Even in small things like shopping for my prom dress (LOL) I had to find something that was absolutely perfect before I was willing to buy it and spent like 2 weeks looking because I wasn’t satisfied with any. And when I found something I really liked it was $400 & I couldn’t afford it anyway – ended up settling for a dress I saw earlier but didn’t like as much. I’m picky with other things in life as well – fussy with food, clothes, probably relationships as well haha. It takes so long for me to trust a person & open up to someone, but when I finally do, those are the friendships I know I’ll give my all to. In a way, that’s not settling right? Ok it’s a strange analogy but what I’m trying to say is that sometimes when our means don’t match our ideals, we end up settling for less than what we deserve or want. And then there’s the question of knowing what you really want. We’re all fickle and what I feel now about something may not be how I feel about it tomorrow. How will I know if the path I’m gonna chose is going to be what I want and something I won’t regret for the rest of my life?

So much to think about in such a short span of time that I just feel like escaping from everything. Time to face the real world, the past few months have been way too happy & worry-free.

Lol.

At first I was kind of mad, then I just wanted to roll my eyes at you & then I realised that some people really aren’t worth it. People who come to you only when they need you & turn their backs immediately when they get the chance to. Soooo done with this nonsense

It’s rly through adversity that you see who’s worth keeping in your life and who’s not. Enough about this & time to move on :)

Innnnnn other news, woke up today thinking how blessed I rly am to have sth miraculous happen even with my avg grades. Still wondering how that could happen and as poh said I’m one step closer – that’s reason to keep fighting.

P.S. Details In The Fabric is such a comforting song :’)

Face the clouds to see the silver lining

What a day.

Everything is finally over & I guess I can accept my results and march ahead now. Cried for a good 2 hours & I think my eyes have never felt so tired in a looong time. Turns out it took less than a day to get myself back together once I let everything out. Healing takes time but the love from the people around you does help speed up the process :)

Rly feel like I don’t deserve such wonderful friends and family – you guys know who you are <3 Even though I’m not entirely satisfied with my results I now know that I have to try with every little bit of ability and strength I have left. Thank you from the bottom of my heart: for those who didn’t know what to say and for those who knew the exact right words – the hugs and ‘thank you’s are never going to be enough to show my appreciation. My family has just been the sweetest and most supportive being with me from the very beginning till the end of my journey. Sobbed so hard just now when I was finally alone and ‘Innocent’ came on shuffle on my iPod but my parents offered kind comforting words as usual & knew I needed the alone time. Of course my lovely juniors for the graduation gift & support ^^

All in all thank God because He sees me through every high & low I experience.  Because He loves me so much I know that I’ll never run out on hope, faith and love for as long as I live. I will praise You in the storm & trust in the plans You have for me :)

Going to rest my tired eyes, tomorrow is a new day for me to face with brand new optimism & hope

Don’t remember hurting this much since a long time ago

Giving myself a day to fall apart completely before I put myself together again