This hope is treacherous

Happy Tuesday!!

Can’t believe that January is coming to a close already.. & I still don’t feel like the new year has started actually hahaha. Time to get my head in the 2013 mood. So in the past month I’ve had my last concert, started working at my dad’s restaurant, turned nineteen, celebrated my birthday with my loved ones, caught up with old friends, & spent a lot of time thinking about, well.. stuff. Honestly felt like I didn’t make full use of my time because I didn’t really plan anything well, and didn’t manage to do all the things I wanted to!!

My last concert.. gave me mixed feelings really. Ever since the last Rhythm I had when I was in Year 6 I kept imagining how I would really feel on the day of my last concert itself, and on my Grad Day. Strangely enough I didn’t feel as sad as I expected to feel. Felt more comforted by the fact that I know DHSSB will always welcome us back, and that it won’t be the last that I see of all my lovely squadmates :’) Keeping all the memories with them close to my heart. Have always been rather.. hesitant/ ashamed? (what’s the word I’m looking for here) to call myself a senior or even the chairperson of the band because I didn’t feel like I did much for the band/ my clarinet juniors at all, plus how bad I am at managing stress – omg come to think of it I was really terrible hahaha – yet the people around me still gave me so much support I really didn’t feel like I deserved it at all. So much love for these people – the people I can be myself with, the people I can go entirely bonkers with, feel so comfortable around these people they’re practically family to me haha, jun yue dui yi jia ren indeed. Also appreciate the support from family and friends at Sojourn V, for the gifts, flowers and their very presence, even though I know band music is rly not everyone’s cup of tea :’)

So.. turned nineteen on the 22nd of January! Bridesmaids surprised me on the Thursday before my birthday and it was honestly the most surprised I think I have ever been HAHA did not suspect a single thing congratulations guys….. So touched to see all of the girls together again since the last birthday celebration! Talked for a bit before going back to work and then had supper/ dessert with them. Always feels like home with these girls :) Second birthday surprise was at Tingyu’s house with KH Viv & Roy haha, got welcomed my the lovely Max, a pitch dark living room and a cake lolll. Still remember my last birthday celebration where they surprised me in school & we played human taboo till late at night. :’) This time was spent watching movies with them & playing Mahjong~ Thank you friendsss <3 Actual birthday was spent with Do Not Click (lol what is this even hahaha) met Isabel and Roy in the morning to finish up the tumblers for the kids and then teoheng with Poh, Cheryl and YK. So sweet of them to surprise me with a little cake haha even though I kind of saw through it already HAHAHA. Met my family some awesome steak for dinner at Angus Steakhouse where I had the best appetiser of my 19 years of life lol srsly every bite was a little piece of heaven. Went back to the restaurant where I had my fourth cake & ger and ruo joined us after work ^_^

Not sure why but 2G has been really enthusiastic about class outings lately and I’m really glad that I don’t have to plan any of them & yet still have fun with everyone lolll. Still remember how uptight and serious I was about class bonding and outings back in 2008 and looking back I really feel like laughing at myself hahhahaha. Caught up with some of them and played LAN for the first time HAHA thankful for their spontaneity and craziness, anticipating future outings with them.

Isabel’s housewarming & sleepover on Saturday! Glad I got to catch up with my favourite seniors of all time, and thankful for the hospitality at their house hehe. Felt nice seeing some Dunmanians again actually :)

USS with Isabel Terence and Mancini the other day too & I really couldn’t have asked for better company :) Everything went super well even though we were late & almost had to join the looonnnng queue for entrance tickets. Got offered this membership deal with express tickets and everything – all of us were so happy hahaha. And there was great weather too, thank God. Started with the Transfomers ride which was the best 4D ride I’ve ever taken, Shrek was srsly nothing compared to that haha. Highlight was of course Cylon and Human, felt like I was gonna die everytime I sat on the Cylon lol screamed the moment we started moving on both coasters. Happy shnappy day filled with so much laughter but the fatigue at the end of the day was srsly no joke :(

Just a random thought but without school and everything, I realised how hard it actually is to maintain friendships. It takes extra effort to catch up on your friends’ lives now that you don’t see each other on a daily basis, and it’s especially hard to arrange group outings because everyone started work and our schedules just don’t agree sometimes. With school even with the excuse of studying together you get to catch up and talk, however minimal the conversation. But I guess this is the true test of how much each relationship means to you – how you make time, not find time for one another. Am so glad that my best friends make time for me whenever I need them, and it made me realise how love is best shown and not spoken. All that thinking I did over the past week led me to a realisation that I wasn’t prepared to face and I guess talking to them really helped me heaps.

Haven’t recounted events like this in ages, it’s actually pretty draining lol #sloth #laziness so many things I needed to do today actually but I chose to spend the entire day lazing around watching Friends and playing my baby taylz. I ought to be slapped………… Oh well here’s to a fulfilling week ahead!

 

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Everything

“I have so much to say to you.
I want to begin at the beginning, because that is what you deserve.
I want to tell you everything, without leaving out a single detail. But where is the beginning?
And what is everything?”
Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close
 

Cracks

Thankful for the flaws to provide balance to everything I see. Thankful for honest talks with friends to help me rationalize my thoughts.

Finally understand what I truly need right now :)

‘I ask of you to pursue your dreams, go for what you want – whether to travel, which I think you would love to, or to read and write, chase after the impossible. Do not use ‘time’ and the inevitable, or ‘I cannot’ as an excuse, that is reserved for adults! Find yourself, find what you want in life and I think that is the best present you can give yourself.’

:’)

Such a flawed & imperfect human being but blessed with the best people in my life

:-)

Finally in the mood for typing something on wordpress so here goes nothing –

1. Making an effort to write 5 things that I’m thankful for in my planner on a daily basis! Used to do this often but somehow got too bitter about studying for As that the habit got lost along the way. This will be pretty useful whenever I have one of those bad days – to remind me that there’s always a good day ahead to look forward to filled with things to be thankful for :’)

2. Respect for my brother just multiplied tenfold after the family talk we had the other day, and sometimes it’s really hard to believe how childish we used to be, how much I wanted him out of my life. Funny how life can turn out and how drastic changes in life can be.. At the end of the day family always has your back, love them to the moon and back <3

3. Really inspired by some of my friends, am really going to try to do something meaningful with the long break I have! It's already January & soon it's gonna be CNY and then it'll be March when our results will be out.. Working at the restaurant these past two weeks has been quite an experience though, even though I have to admit I'm not enjoying it very much…. Hmm how do I put this? I don't hate what I'm doing but I don't particularly like it either. Greatest takeaway from this is probably understanding and appreciating my dad more, but still.. Guess f&b's really not my thing haha. In the words of my dear ada: 'It has never been more apparent to me that we have to do something we love.' Really uncanny how similar our situations are hahaha, hope we'll make the most out of this :-)

4. Always trying to better understand people/ things, but then again if I knew everything about someone, faith and trust would be pretty much worthless, wouldn't they? I'm always asking questions to things that don't really have an answer or things that I can never find an answer to.. If only if only I could read minds. But then again, no I don't really want to. Hahaha what am I saying?! Ok it's 130 and I have a full day of work ahead of me tomorrow. Just thought I'd give this space a proper update. Cannot wait for the weekend because I get to see my fav 2G people, catch up with dear friends, meet the crazy squad, return to church again. Turning nineteen next week (oh god) and I have absolutely no plans why am I so boring?!?!!! Someone fly me off to Europe pls :)

There comes a point where you have to decide if all this is worth it.

Why is my answer always yes? :(

First day

Best part of my day was probably realizing how much me working at the restaurant actually meant to my dad. Will never forget that big silly grin on his face after he taught me a ton of stuff and watched me serve the customers. Love you dad :) That aside, everything went rather smoothly today, thankful for friendly coworkers and understanding customers.

This is random but I think Kina Grannis is the most lovable human being on this planet – watched some of her VH1 videos and I think only she could make me love a lizard if I knew her personally hahahahaaa. (You have to watch them to understand) Cannot wait for her new album & tour!!!

Long day tomorrow, gotta catch some shuteye goodnight ^_^

2013

Need to
1. Be honest with myself and the people I care about

2. Always leave room in my heart for new beginnings

3. Sort out the mess in my mind and figure out what I really want

4. Get a new planner

5. Look for an acoustic guitar

6. Finish my Sojourn cards & find the right words to let people know how important they are

Those are not resolutions btw, just things I need to do in the coming week. Here’s to a good first day at work tomorrow

P.S. Terribly sorry for the sloppy posts of late, am well aware of how vague and unsatisfactory they are, I need my discipline back :(