The arms of the ocean deliver me

2 new earworms! Okay the first one is not really new to me but I just chanced upon the live version and.. wow, fell in love with the song all over again. All the songs I like seem rather melancholic hmmmm

My Saturday: Econs notes, successful popsicles, started on my secret project tht I’ve only told one person about so far hahaha, watched Enchanted on Funshion, evening jog, Gideon’s birthday party, The Dark Knight Rises with the family. I deserve to fail the A levels at this rate, I really do :( Trying to redeem myself today..

+ Missing so many people after trying to search for grad book photos. Sigh


Dear Santa

Pretty please? 

Ok no I’m kidding. Or am I? > : )

School’s driving me a bit insane. Been acting weirdly around people/ by myself. We all need a little insanity in our lives every once in a while. Too tired to even form complete sentences right now. I’ll be back with a proper post during the weekends.

My favourite sounds

1. Hearty and contagious laughter

2. Raindrops on my umbrella

3. Waves crashing onto shore

4. The G chord on the guitar

Appreciating the little things in life :) Listening to oldies while doing my GP homework & feeling hopeful once again. I hope this feeling stays. Oh & I found an exercise buddy today: Kayleigh Xu Ruo Wei!!! (L) Gonna jog twice a week lol are we crazy or what?! So thankful for her though I don’t think anyone else will jog with me hahahaha

+ General mood of gratitude this week despite unpleasant occurrences, the angels around me have a huge part to play of course. There are just some people whom I know I want to keep in my life forever, or as long as its possible :’)
+ Grades are far from satisfactory but I improved in every single subject since the March CTs, thank You so much. Just need to keep looking forward from here.
+ A week of thinking and it has gotten me nowhere. Putting it at the back of my mind for now

Why this frightened part of me that’s fated to pretend

(Blue Spotted Tail – Fleet Foxes)

Sometimes, when I do think about it, it really intrigues me how no two people are ever the same. Even twins are different. God is just so amazing. I remember a quote I came across 2 years back:

“I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.” – Hellen Keller

It really struck me. We’re all different for a reason, or at least that’s what I choose to believe. So many spend their lives searching for that reason, and in that, they try to find people similar to them. To feel less alone. I just don’t feel like it’s supposed to be this way. If we are different, there must be some way we can contribute to the world, or to the people around us. That’s why I respect people who embrace their differences. Not those who stand out on purpose to get attention, but those who feel comfortable on their own, who feel proud that they are exactly who they are, and that there is no one else like them. Then they can really inspire change in the world. And I want to be just like that one day. I spend way too much time envying the lives of others I’ve gotta admit, and I do it so subconsciously sometimes. Of course, there is the occasional realisation that we are so unbelievably blessed, and that there are the less fortunate to help. Yes, I do want to help them, but what’s the best way that I can? I need to figure that out first – while there is still some sort of a spark in me. Need to do myself a huge favour and try not to fall into the daily routines and misery of the A Levels. Well the main goal of this term is of course to get my terrible grades up I guess? Have to look past that eventually because t just scares me to death when I think about settling for something I never wanted, even if I get good grades in the end. Fear should not, and will not stop me. It won’t, unless I let it. Now to figure out what I can actually do haha

It takes extra effort for me to feel as light and happy as I did during the post CTs period now that school has started, but I am going to try. Nothing lasts forever and if happiness does not last, pain will not either. Big thanks to everyone who was part of my post CTs week, really enjoyed it and I appreciate you guys a lot you know who you are <3 Oh right, and results are coming back this week so, it’s gonna be a pretty rough week. Got back my History paper today actually, and though the results might be unsatisfactory for high-achievers, I am proud to say that I improved by 2 grades from my March CTs! All glory to God, because the cramps were so bad I seriously thought I couldn’t make it through and I wanted to give up so badly. God didn’t give up on me :’)

Also, my writing is getting from bad to worse oh god……….. but if I just stop writing altogether I think it will not be salvageable so I should just keep going on. Writing in my journal is getting kinda tedious because it’s so slow and my handwriting has become atrocious. Yucks @ my limited vocabulary!!!!!! Time to catch up on unread books

P.S. I think I’m the happiest at home when I get to sing and play my guitar when no one can hear me.

+ Reading that.. I felt it – the ache. I had no idea why it hurt so much, but it did. Someone whose words just pierce through you like a dagger – like they’ve known you forever. So much strength in weakness.

What econs?

^ Perfectly descriptive of my week so far.

Thursday: Endured possibly the worst cramps in the history (pun intended) of cramps during the paper, am so glad I made it through even though I was thinking ‘JUST LET ME DIE HERE’ throughout the entire 3 hours. The pain didn’t even go away after the paper but my parents fetched me home, am so thankful for that alone :) Slept for a bit, had my own concert in my room with my guitar HAHAHA, read Kafka & watched movies on funshion hehe/ Friday: Went out for Carnivore with Terence, Isabel and Roy! The food was a huge disappointment and I don’t think I’ll go back there again.. To think I actually wanted to try it since last year. Went to shop around for a bit before catching Prometheus on the big screen! Grossness of every scene magnified for our sick pleasure. Nah just kidding I was practically squirming in my seat throughout the whole thing hahaha. Got my skirt & headed home, love time spent with the bffs/ Saturday: Met Ada and XX @ MFM for the 1-for-1 lunch & to catch up! Stepped into the arcade for the first time in more than a year (???) and we played bishi-bashi haha I still love that game. Fond memories :’) Shopped with Sherly all around town & managed to get my black heels, met mum and bro for dinner at Jack’s Place!/ Sunday: Went for church in the morning, Visited aunt who just had surgery and went to send cousins off who are migrating to Brisbane! Will really miss them, especially during our family gatherings.. Dinz with the family at crystal jade after!

So………. no work done. Okay will go hardcore tomorrow, I promise! :)

Was listening to Boyce Avenue’s acoustic covers.. and I decided that I want to write a song someday. Hahahaha that is going in the bucket list. And no one shall hear it but myself! I also kind of want to take up photography after A Levels, before I go to Europe. Shouldn’t waste an opportunity to take beautiful shots when I’m there, should I? Now to save up for a proper camera :)

P.S. I would ask you if you’re okay, but I know you probably won’t want me to. Because I can’t make things better, and nothing I say will make things right. The last thing I want to do right now is to make matters worse with my clumsy words. Just want you to be truly happy, for once. Don’t know what to do and time to feel like a useless friend once again. :'(