If you ever come back

Don’t mean to be morbid but it’s just something I needed to get off my chest. I get scared whenever I think that my grandma is going to be gone someday. I know it’s something I cannot prevent, but losing someone dear to you is so painful I can’t even begin to imagine the loss my heart is going to feel when that day comes. I wish I could be more fluent in dialect, so I could talk to her about my day, and share with her my problems, and ask her about her day as well. But my grasp of the Cantonese dialect does not extend beyond the simple phrases like ‘Have you eaten’ and ‘How are you’. That being said, seeing her smile everyday really brightens my day, and it’s something that I look forward to when I come home from school :) Age is definitely catching up to my grandma – she’s 88 now, and she’s still healthy but seemingly growing weaker and smaller.. I’m blessed enough to have only suffered one death in the family, but losing my grandma was the most painful things that I’d ever had to go through in my eighteen years in this world. And even though it’s part and parcel of life, it still scares me when I think about it. The way my parents cried – I’ve never seen my father break down like that – made me cry even harder. Must make it a point to talk to her more haha and hug her everyday too ^_^

On another note, something I learnt from Taming Of The Shrew – the role that we take on will not necessarily affect who we are. Is that really true though? Kate may have taken on the role of a submissive wife, but she still stayed true to who she was. But how can you really separate the two? Hmmm. This year is such a trying one, and it seems like our only role is to do well for the A Levels in order to get somewhere in life. But I don’t want it to affect who I am. I mean, I want to emerge stronger and wiser and all that, but I don’t want to lose faith in people or humanity. I realise how people are appearing more and more selfish because everyone is getting more and more individualistic. Hedonism, to just derive pleasure for oneself, as I’ve come to learn in GP. It’s scary when you see the people around you change themselves because of how they’re pressured to act. But it’s really their choice isn’t it? Sooner or later they’ll come to realise that living for yourself can and may be fulfilling, but it just isn’t enough. That’s not we’re made for, we were born to love others. Or maybe they’ll never realise it. After all, it takes a lifetime to learn how to live. (and love)

Anywayyyy, I dreamt that I was on a roadtrip during my nap just now!! Hahaha so exciting, I was driving and there was someone beside me, but I have no idea who….. Maybe my future spouse HAHA. It was a really really really long road and I was driving a convertible, and we were singing songs in the car though I can’t remember what. Omgosh if only that could really happen in the near future. A girl can dream. Can’t wait for the day where I travel the world with the person I love. Woke up feeling -___- as usual though, reality gave me a tight slap in the face ha. Anticipating the day my dream comes true hehehe this paragraph is so out of place.

I’ve been posting so much lately!! It’s a good thing because every now and then I’ll scroll through my older posts to see how I think/ write. Future me if you’re reading this.: you’d better be enjoying yourself right now – or doing something meaningful with your life. Lol I’m so weird. I’m sitting here with my GP notes in front of me like a fat blob of fats because I ate 2 dinners again. One after my nap and one with my mum. I’m beyond help. I just read through my whole post and I sound bipolar rofl. I shall.. SLEEP EARLY TONIGHT since I spent my whole afternoon doing GP. Take care of yourselves my friends, everyone seems to be falling sick.. Mum and Dad are both sick, and it’s one of the rare nights when they’re both in bed before me and my brother are. He just went jogging, and I’m a fat blob. The weather is making me moody and irritable. If it was the holidays I’d be at the beach and I wouldn’t complain. But nope, there’s school and CTs and all. Lol okay okay enough bye.

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