Every single time I feel demoralised about school work and the stress, I’d tell myself: 6 more months, Natalie, just six more months and you’ll be done with this for good. You’ll be able to do what you really enjoy, you’ll be free. But a thought just crossed my mind yesterday that it’s not going to be how I’ve been imagining it to be. Because that’s when I’ll really have to make the important life decisions – not just deciding what to have for lunch in the canteen, or whether I should prepare for this tutorial or to study for the test. It wouldn’t be as simple anymore. I guess I should really try to enjoy my time in school, because there are actually certain parts of school worth missing, as much as I complain about it now. Everyone paints this picture of a perfect life after we graduate from the hell that is JC, but as much as I can’t wait to start earning my own money, start helping people and to travel the world, a part of me is really terrified that I’ll start making the wrong decisions and regret it when I look back. I’ll never be free until I get rid of this mentality and I’m very aware of that. Hopefully someday I’ll embrace the feeling of vulnerability – but not now, probably not in the near future either. There you go, an insight into the world of insecurities that is my mind.
For now, I try to stay optimistic and thank God whenever I can – for the blessings from above, for my family and for my friends. No one really knows what the future holds, but I know who holds mine.
Doing my religion package while listening to oldies and missing my grandma terribly :'(
This was one of her faves, and definitely mine –
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in
(Candle In The Wind by Elton John)
Okay time to suck it up and get back to work now. Back to school tomorrow! Going to donate blood this week and I’m actually pretty scared but I’ll be fine as long as I don’t look at the needle……… right? Fingers crossed. OH RIGHT I FORGOT TO MENTION. Caught The Avengers with momsy yesterday and it was so goooood especially Robert Downey Jr. Going to watch Iron Man when I have the time. (ha ha who am I kidding) But seriously though I loved him in the movie, sarcasm and all <3 Great action movie & go catch it if you haven’t!!
P.S. Just got off the phone with a friend and as weird as it may sound I actually kinda like phone calls. Miss the times when my primary school friends would phone me after school to check what homework there was & we would just talk about anything and everything hahaha good times :’)
P.P.S. So much unnecessary drama going on and I wish I could do something….. Helpless once again