Wish I were a little girl without the weight of the world

Once in awhile I act like a child to feel like a kid again
It gets like a prison in the body Im living in
Cause everyones watching and quick to start talking, Im losing my innocence
Wish I were a little girl without the weight of the world

It would be nice to start over again
Before we were men
I’d give, I’d bend, let’s play pretend

Remember the times we had soda for wine
And we got by on gratitude
The worst they could do to you was check your attitude
Yeah when fights were for fun, we had water in guns,
And a place we could call our own
How we lost hold of home I guess Ill never know

It would be nice to start over again
Before we were men
I’d give, I’d bend, let’s play pretend

And when its the end,
Our lives will make sense
Well love, well bend, let’s play pretend

Its not going to be long before were all gone with nothing to show for them
Stop taking lives, come on lets all grow up again

(Pretend – Lights)

This song describes exactly how I feel. I kind of feel like I’m being forced to grow up so suddenly, turning eighteen in two weeks, being the oldest in school, taking my A Levels this year. I’m so afraid of losing myself along the way, of drifting apart from people I care about. It’s only the first day of school but the environment/ teachers have given me so much to think about. Wow. I know I have to know what I want in order to work towards it, but why do I have to decide on what I want now? It seems like every one has a goal in mind, of where they want to go, and here I am feeling like I just want to stay in school and think about it until I’m 100% sure of what I want to do with my life.

I don’t want to regret anything about this year, and I don’t want to spend my year moping around about how stressful the A Levels are either. I don’t want to look back years down the road knowing I could have done more with my year.

Too many thoughts and emotions today :(

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