Protected: Walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy

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Do intentions matter when the damage is done?

  1. Thank God for sending people in my life that I probably don’t even deserve
  2. You disappoint, maybe it’s because you don’t know me at all
  3. Gideon’s birthday celebration today, the cousins were dancing and playing guitar while singing tgt, rly heartwarming moment hehe
  4. Worked up a sweat at Isabel’s house last Friday, love her so much (L)
  5. I wanna prove that I can do this so badly and not because of my own strength, but because of my God

I don’t think anything like this has happened to me before, it’s really a test of my faith & I just know there’s sth greater tht’s waiting for me :)

So Far So Great

Feeling rather hopeful/ optimistic about the future because I know I can always trust in God to answer my prayers at His own time :) Even though school nowadays really drains all my energy (no kidding I had lessons from 815 to 245 with only a half hour break today) and I’m finding it so hard to stay awake but I still hope and trust in the Lord ^^ And even though some things haven’t been going the way I want them to I know this is all a part of Your plan and I will keep my faith :’)

Went back for SL selection test ytd, happy for the juniors they’ll be going through a totally new phase in their band life!! I still rmb my year 3 indoor test hahaha omg wonder how I even passed it I wasn’t that good w scales :/ felt kind of bad cos I think we made some of them nervous.. Haha it felt entirely different on the other side of the room, made me feel kinda old too!! I miss the old band life when everything was just about not screwing up indoor tests and having fun playing the pieces hehe I wish band would be like that for everyone really, to purely enjoy and love the music we play, cos if that happens everyone will put in their best effort to make the piece sound good right? Oh maybe that’s just wishful thinking because band politics are ever-present. It exists everywhere la oh well. Part of learning in life I guess

Had a rather bad night last night, and had a long talk w my mum and I really hope that a few months down the road, hopefully by promos, she’ll see my effort and she’ll see my sincerity and she’ll see God’s hand in every aspect of my life. This was probably just a reminder that my faith needs to be taken to a new level. On my way to growing in you!!

Came home early today and spent some quality time w my bro watching YouTube videos hehe he’s always so busy now with uni stuff and I’m forever buried in work so thank God for that opportunity. He’ll be even busier when his uni actually starts though.

Oh & The song skyscraper gave me multiple goosebumps haha Demi Lovato has a really amazing voice!!! It’s kind of repetitive though lawlz. Oh downloaded a ton of Ingrid michaelson songs over the weekend and it is food for the soullll ^^ go listen to her if you haven’t! Okay maybe your music taste is different though I like this kinda music hehe.

Hmmm just thought abt sth I guess I may look v withdrawn to a lot of people cos I don’t talk much haha but I just like to think in my head and not out loud sometimes, I hate situations in which I say stuff for the sake of saying it when I haven’t given it proper thought because I end up sounding incredibly stupid haha. But if I don’t say it there’ll always be awkwardness ahahaha. The point is sometimes when I really do have the words to say I don’t say it, and I’ll regret like mad afterward :/

Was doing my QT ytd when I realised that I have been quite judgmental abt a certain someone and I feel damn bad, don’t think any person deserves to be judged by so many people and I don’t know you well anyway, so shall refrain from these negative thoughts. It’s gna be quite hard though given the person’s actions are really….. Must learn to accept people more so guilty of judging people sometimes.

Heard neighbors screaming from the other block while I was bathing, kind d reminded me how my and my bro used to fight and all hahaha we would scream at each other, slam doors, get hit and hit each other and all that. Looking back I think it’s damn funny la omg!!! Ever so thankful for our relationship now though, finally understand why people want older brothers so badly now!!

On a random note, I love hearing the oldies that I grew up with, listening to candle of the wind by Elton John now ^^

Ok the paragraphs are not really related, just a few of my random thoughts throughout the week. Have a great week ahead everybahdy~

:)

My goofy PW grp sans tingyu! Haha they stayed over yesterday and this was our state of sanity at about 12am. Gosh mish’s faces are really damn fun to imitate. I shld upload the photos on facebook soon haha. So after school yesterday I went for the resonate meeting then had dinner with Vivienne and Weilin always always love time spent with them no matter what. Had pepper lunch, shopped around and went home to watch AHDI hah chionged home like an auntie ^^

KOI w banana + 55th anniversary today. Had dinner with some bandies aft tht hehe thankful for them laughed so much :) Must take the effort to know all my squadmates better soon. Sometimes I really wonder what my life would have been like if I quit band in year 4, and how I’d feel without band after I graduate in Year 6. I think I learn more life lessons at band than at school srsly, and I can’t imagine life without my clarinet and my section and so many other things. We really have limited time left in the band and there’s so much to change for the better. Looking forward to band camp + sojourn~

1. Why do you make my head hurt?
2. So glad that things are looking up for you, hope you stay this way
3. Always thankful for you
4. You really never shortchange us do you, giving my all to You!

Overwhelmed

I have so so much to handle right now. It’s only the first day of lessons in the new term and I already feel like everything’s crashing down on me.
1. I’m underperforming in my academics, evident from the CT results
2. I’m lacking in confidence in leading people, HUGE HUGE flaw & I hate myself for it sometimes. I really have so much to offer but I’m holding back because I’m too afraid of what people would think.
3. I’m juggling 2 CCAs and I really want to take up a third commitment tht would really be meaningful, but I have to do it within my means
4. My mum is not being very understanding through this all
5. All I really wanna do is stay away from school and read for my own pleasure everyday. I went to the library today and got immersed in the selection of non-fiction books that I saw, I really miss those times when I would go to the library every week to read and borrow books, when I had so much more time. Sigh

Times like this I would just like to run away from it all, but I know it’s not gonna help anything. Gonna uplift all my worries to God and pray for strength to carry me through this tough week with a joyful heart, even though it seems all too impossible right now I know He’ll work in me. Faith works wonders :)
“Never say ‘Hey God I have a big problem!’ but instead ‘Hey problem, I have a big God!'” So there.

P.S. Clearly you’re not real & you’re just a distraction.

Qt tymmmm

If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can’t see, I’ll be the light to guide you

(My pathetic attempt to include pictures in this wordpress because it’s filled with words haha so boring but oh look it’s a picture of more words)

Wah posting quite often nowadays haha oh well CTs are almost over!! 8) One more paper left to go tomorrow and it’s Lit which I probably will fail whether I study or not so.. haha kidding I’m still gonna study okay I’m such a good girl.

Haha speaking of which.. I used to remember to be able to study way more effectively and I used to be so much more focused than what I am now.. wonder what happened. My grades actually used to be quite good in year 1 and year 2 (to me at least) and when I reached year 3 and year 4 they just plunged like crazy. I just wish I can prove now that I’m capable of doing better, I really don’t want to let my JC life go to waste sigh. I guess I’m way too distracted by everything around me, pointless things at times :(

I miss so many people really. Haha they probably already forgot of my existence but I suddenly thought of them and felt sad that we drifted apart. And I know that it’s only going to get worse as the years go by because that’s what people do, they drift apart. It’s really inevitable that people change and we just have to deal with it haha. I used to hold on to the past but I realised there was absolutely no point in doing that. Now I’m glad to have the people I have in my life right now because they are so lovely I don’t know what I’d do without them. Even if I lose any of them in the future I’ll still be glad for the memories. And I take ages to fully trust someone so when I do I really cherish them a lot, even though I don’t show it most of the time. People that truly won’t judge you no matter what you tell them or how stupid you act in front of them, best friends that have seen me cry so many times, who I can always run to :) Ok this is getting so emotional I need to stop trololol.

I really love my blog. I like reading back on my old posts from time to time to see how I felt or what I thought in the past. I can really post what I feel here. Even though I don’t write well it’s the best way I know how to express myself so.. this is a perfect avenue hehe

Went to Men men don don to satisfy our ramen cravings with Isabel after CTs today & we acted like CTs were over hahaha in denial or what? Wanted to go to eighteen chefs to catch some action LOL but they weren’t there so sad. But the ramen was quite good and we did stupid vlogs haha I think the shop people were like laughing at us or smth. Then we went to get Berrylite yumz the green tea flavour was guuud. Love spending time with @IsseyBaby haha we are fellow foodies + we can talk abt anything under the sun. Wifey + bffs (L) Met vivienne and went home tgt. What a peaceful day I should have more days like these :-)

OH and history paper today was um well, not very good because I kind of forgot everything I studied about SEA when I thought I was better at that than at IH. In the end I wrote better for the Cold War question and didn’t even finish one essay wts. Chiang Ky’s gna skin me aliveeeee. So I started studying econs around 2 hours before the exam and I was surprisingly super calm during the paper after panicking for the first 5 mins because I was totally unfamiliar with the test structure haha I didn’t even know how I studied -_- God really calmed my heart and I wrote what I could remember which was more than I expected, now I’m hoping for the best and leaving it all up to You :) I feel so relaxed during this period of CTs leh so unusual.. wait till my results come back HAHAHA

Now I’m gonna study Richard III hoping I can pass tmr’s test hehehe wish me luck!!

Maybe

I don’t know but/ I think I may be/ fallin for you/ dropping so quickly/ maybe I shld keep this to myself/ wait until I/ know you better I am trying/ not to tell you/ but I want to/ I’m scared of what you’ll say/ So I’m hiding what I’m feeling/ but I’m tired of/ holding this inside my head

This song has been stuck in my head for the whole day I love Colbie Callait hey tht rhymes

Oh btw:

This is officially the best parody ever it made my day hahaha.