Heart Of The Matter

I got the call today, I didn’t wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin’ on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love’s open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I’ve been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning them again
I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There’s a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They’re the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn’t keep us warm

I’ve been trying to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

All the people in your life who’ve come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carryin’ that anger, it’ll eat you up inside

I want a happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh gets weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I’m thinkin’ about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don’t love me anymore
Even if you don’t love me anymore

This is a really really good song. I heard it in Year 1 but now I realise how powerful the lyrics are :) Oh & Loser Like Me and Get It Right from the new Glee episode is awesome also!!!!! Good music makes my day :D

I am starting Term 2 afresh. Term 1 didn’t exactly see a real me, just someone caught up with tests and work and too focused on not screwing everything up and too concerned about what people think of her. That person is gone!!!! Poof. I hope she never comes back becauseĀ  I am determined to make Term 2 a good one!! Seriously I’m gonna need lots of courage and determination to pull through but I can do it with God! I’m not going to try to put everything under my control anymore, do you know how tiring that is? To constantly try to make things go your way, your selfish way. It makes me really sick to know how selfish I can be sometimes. :( Oh well, here’s to starting anew! First step is to try to complete my homework on time, HEHE holiday homework sucks big timeee.

I hope I get my bubbly side back soon, cos right now it seems to only appear in front of the sh clarinets HAHA. And I think A LOT about everything this year, like seriously everything.. which is why I’m quiet most of the time.. I think people think I’m very shy or quiet or wdv. I shall try to be friendlier to people ehe. Eh so excited for the juniors their syf is coming really soon!!! So is ours but we’re all giving our best I have faith in #dhssb!!! Ok I know like by week 5/6 I’ll be feeling quite cui already, so WISH ME LUCK EVERYBODY. Shall keep looking forward to the june holidays and sydney! I am going on a fb and twitter fast for 2 weeks I think, think I can handle it?!?!?!?! Challenge accepted. HAHA it’s gonna be really tough but at least I has tumblr my secret lover. Yay I can do this!

Jiayou to all friends/ strangers who are struggling out there, you are not alone!!! Look behind you.

LOL I’m so funny right. I mean everyone is struggling too so let’s all jiayou tgt!!!

Let’s look at my goals fr Term 2. Haha.
1. Make frequent visits to KWSH to talk to the old folks there!!!
2. Become a stronger woman of God! Not to get distracted by anything else,be more courageous in speaking the word of God, uphold the true image of a Christ ambassador, love people, love my family and friends even more, get to know my lg mates more!
3. Not to have any overdue homework. (NOT COUNTING THE HOLIDAY HW)
4. Score a B for my next math test! (omg pls pls pls pls pls)
5. Put in my best for practising Lotus/ Memories of Friendship, get everything right!!!
6. Do my best for Touch Rug.
7. Get to know my classmates better (new seating arrangement yayz! I’m at the front as usual haha eh it’s a good thing)
8. Plan awesome birthdays and make time for the people I haven’t talked to in so long :( :( :(

Haha I’m not being too unrealistic am I? Hope not. Okie then! Back 2 work. I pray that I will be more productive this time! Amen.

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I realise I haven’t been posting much about my life!! It’s all about my thoughts haha. And I have to make it a point to note down all the things because I’m a real forgetful person and I hate myself for that!!

So today we had SP in the afternoon – and worked out some stuff but spent most of the time planning for _____ hehe hope that it will be a success. Shopped for ____ and got koi!! Oh and we saw weijie haha. Productive gift shopping can’t wait to make them already.

Yesterday san ku ma came and we played monopoly deal and headed out for seafood @ No Signboard!! Yummerlicious. I ate Pepper Crab. Omg heavenly.

Saturday was the CIP @ ECP!! The first part was fun but the 2nd part was just -_- Oh watching people catch fish was kinda interesting now that I think of it.

Recently the feeling’s been back, and I worked so hard to keep it away because I knew it’d end up in hurt but it just hit me all of a sudden. Was just wondering what would have happened if I didn’t make that decision, if __ ______ ___, if… Now’s probably not the time to be thinking about all of this ._. I think absence just makes the heart forget, and I wanted it to stay that way. Hope I never see you again.

Ok I’m clearly in a sleepy mood why am I even typing this. Touch training tmr then probably bowling and more mugging. Gonna be so busy from wednesday onwards. Go me :)

Meaning

‘So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to loving others., devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.’

– Tuesdays With Morrie, Mitch Albom

Sadness is a selfish emotion, isn’t it? We feel sad for someone/ ourselves, but unless we really do something about it, sadness is nothing but a sense of betrayal and disappointment, only confined within oneself. Seeing the disasters in Japan and the things happen everywhere else make us sad but, what are we really doing about it? :/ Yes, we can pray and leave everything in God’s hands, but I’m sure we can do something more as well? I just don’t know what :(

I need to get over myself and stop being so selfish. I need to love others more. I need to appreciate the people around me more. I need to help others.

And all these needs can only be satisfied by You lord.

Got scolded by Ms Fang during H2 Math, missed PE cos I was sick, forgot to bring my book + notes for lit test, screwed up history OP, lost my phone, got scolded for skirt and earrings by the other ms fang, and my nose still keeps running. Worst day of my life and it’s the last day of the term. Why God why :(

Clarinets!

Haha so I thought I’d do a post on my section, who has been a great part of my school life! :)

To be honest I didn’t think I’d be so attached to my section, but I really am. Clarinets really feel like family to me, and whenever I see them in school my day would be instantly brightened up haha! They really accept me for the true retard that I am (lol) and the seniors are all so helpful I didn’t really feel lost/ anything when I first came into band being the noob that I was haha. Today the sh clarinets – chingwoon + terence were playing monopoly deal in the canteen today haha so fun and it really kind of felt family-ish lol! And with the juniors as well, they feel just like kids LOL they are so cute la. & I love the Senior High clarinets a lot!!!! We all have so much fun gossiping/ laughing every SP and have so much fun playing together as well, I really love them a lot hehe. And chingwoon, zoe and kristal are really the best seniors I could ever ask for, I feel so blessed to have them in my section!! :D And isabel and roy feel like my siblings LOL even though we argue/ wdv sometimes we still accept each other for who we are. I can’t wait for sydney with the juniors too because they make me laugh. Really sad that the seniors can’t go though man at least we have SYF, we will give it our all and leave no regrets! Haha idk this is so mushy but I just felt a need to appreciate my section haha. I don’t think anyone from my section reads this though, which is kinda good cos it would be awkward. HAHA. I’d be really sad the day I ever leave this band because they gave me so much to take away, and blessed me with an awesome section woo. Wo ai clarinetszxzxzxzx

Some days we try to hold it all together – for people who care about us, for people who actually need concern instead of the self-pity you give yourself. But some days we look at ourselves and think ‘I’m a mess’ and start to feel sorry for yourself and feel guilty for all the people you’ve let down – for all the things you said but never did. I hope I never have a day like that ever again.

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Random thoughts

 

1. How long does it actually take to know someone? To fully comprehend the reasons behind their actions, to understand what they feel right now, to know when minds will change, to really understand them inside out. Possibly never huh. We don’t even completely understand ourselves, much less others.

2. Today in Lit class we went through two poems that were about relationships, and there was one about two parents facing relationship problems and the child having to deal with that. It’s so unfair how the child has to deal with quarrels everyday :( And I know so many people are facing this problem nowadays, I just wish that I could help them in some way and that they’ll open up to people who care about them..

3. The term ‘I’ll always be here for you’ is way to overused.

4. Today was a really great day, just in case I sound emo in this post. Few of the random thoughts that go through my head everyday :o May each day be better than the last! :)