Yknow we really won’t know when we will die, life is so unpredictable that it’s becoming really scary. A series of things happened recently to make me feel that I should really cherish my life more.
1. A friend, let’s call her X, lost a cousin recently, and her cousin’s my age wth, she passed away because of FEVER. Too high and unable to treat in time I think. I mean it’s really frightening when such a thing happens because no one expected it and I’ve never faced the death of someone younger than me before. And X was so sad I didn’t know how to cheer her up, I hate it when that happens :( Hi X I know you’re probably reading this please cheer up love you!!
2. The Manila bus incident. The dad and 2 daughters out of a family of 5 just died like that. They were really so innocent going on holiday and it was their LAST DAY and they were planning to go back already. And I think that’s it’s even worse for the survivors (Mum and her son) because they have to deal with the nightmare. The son’s seriously injured and I really pray that the mum is strong enough to go on with life :( And the saddest and most touching thing is that the dad died because he tried to protect the people on the bus as well as his family..
3. Today. On 158 the bus jerked really damn hard and I felt my brain sliding forward LOL seriously. It was honestly very scary cos people were like flying everywhere and it happened so fast. And wl hit her shin :( If the bus jerked any harder or anything WE MIGHT HAVE DIED. Idk why but that made me think a lot harder about the unpredictability of life and how I should cherish all my loved ones.
4. Seeing my grandma get weaker everyday is really heartbreaking.. I want to spend more time with her but my cantonese is really bad and all and we haven’t been talking a lot because of the communication barrier and everything, but she’s really old and I don’t want the same thing as my maternal grandma to happen to her.. The thought of anyone close to me leaving is just really painful ok.
And here we are stressing about EOYs, there’s gotta be more to life than that right? I’m going to attempt to find meaning in studying because that will motivate me, think long term think long term Natalie!!! If I die tomorrow, I don’t want to regret decisions that I didn’t make, words I didn’t speak and things I didn’t say. Ok I think this is getting kinda morbid but I have to say it because we always say we shouldn’t take things for granted but how often do we actually show appreciation for what we have? I really thank God for the people in my life now, and I really miss a lot of people now I hope I get a chance to catch up with them after EOYs. :)
Haha so anyway after thinking so much I came up with 3 things I want to change about myself:
1. More confidence!!! It really plays a big part in everything you do, and I lack confidence SERIOUSLY.
2. I get jealous really easily, and I’m unhappy with my life sometimes because I keep comparing my abilities, looks etc with others. But I have to learn to make full use of what I have and to appreciate the person God made me to be!!
3. More sincerity when dealing with people. I don’t want just surface relationships with people, it’s really -_- and hard to maintain, I want to get to know my friends better! :)
Also I found out recently that I’m really introverted hahaha, it takes a long time for me to finally open up to people, that’s a bad thing right.. But I sort of like it in a sense that I know who my true friends are :)
& I’m really exhausted from bball + vball today, even though it wasn’t very satisfying.. I miss the old bball days where we would laugh like nobody’s business having the time of our lives, getting tired of laughing and then lying down to stare at the stars. Now it seems like ball is just for everyone to show off their shooting skills, and plus it’s getting really crowded for a half court haha. It’s just not the same anymore.
P.S. Get well soon isabel + ada!!