Life is so unpredictable :(

Yknow we really won’t know when we will die, life is so unpredictable that it’s becoming really scary. A series of things happened recently to make me feel that I should really cherish my life more.

1. A friend, let’s call her X, lost a cousin recently, and her cousin’s my age wth, she passed away because of FEVER. Too high and unable to treat in time I think. I mean it’s really frightening when such a thing happens because no one expected it and I’ve never faced the death of someone younger than me before. And X was so sad I didn’t know how to cheer her up, I hate it when that happens :( Hi X I know you’re probably reading this please cheer up love you!!

2. The Manila bus incident. The dad and 2 daughters out of a family of 5 just died like that. They were really so innocent going on holiday and it was their LAST DAY and they were planning to go back already. And I think that’s it’s even worse for the survivors (Mum and her son) because they have to deal with the nightmare. The son’s seriously injured and I really pray that the mum is strong enough to go on with life :( And the saddest and most touching thing is that the dad died because he tried to protect the people on the bus as well as his family..

3. Today. On 158 the bus jerked really damn hard and I felt my brain sliding forward LOL seriously. It was honestly very scary cos people were like flying everywhere and it happened so fast. And wl hit her shin :( If the bus jerked any harder or anything WE MIGHT HAVE DIED. Idk why but that made me think a lot harder about the unpredictability of life and how I should cherish all my loved ones.

4. Seeing my grandma get weaker everyday is really heartbreaking.. I want to spend more time with her but my cantonese is really bad and all and we haven’t been talking a lot because of the communication barrier and everything, but she’s really old and I don’t want the same thing as my maternal grandma to happen to her.. The thought of anyone close to me leaving is just really painful ok.

And here we are stressing about EOYs, there’s gotta be more to life than that right? I’m going to attempt to find meaning in studying because that will motivate me, think long term think long term Natalie!!! If I die tomorrow, I don’t want to regret decisions that I didn’t make, words I didn’t speak and things I didn’t say. Ok I think this is getting kinda morbid but I have to say it because we always say we shouldn’t take things for granted but how often do we actually show appreciation for what we have? I really thank God for the people in my life now, and I really miss a lot of people now I hope I get a chance to catch up with them after EOYs. :)

Haha so anyway after thinking so much I came up with 3 things I want to change about myself:
1. More confidence!!! It really plays a big part in everything you do, and I lack confidence SERIOUSLY.
2. I get jealous really easily, and I’m unhappy with my life sometimes because I keep comparing my abilities, looks etc with others. But I have to learn to make full use of what I have and to appreciate the person God made me to be!!
3. More sincerity when dealing with people. I don’t want just surface relationships with people, it’s really -_- and hard to maintain, I want to get to know my friends better! :)

Also I found out recently that I’m really introverted hahaha, it takes a long time for me to finally open up to people, that’s a bad thing right.. But I sort of like it in a sense that I know who my true friends are :)

& I’m really exhausted from bball + vball today, even though it wasn’t very satisfying.. I miss the old bball days where we would laugh like nobody’s business having the time of our lives, getting tired of laughing and then lying down to stare at the stars. Now it seems like ball is just for everyone to show off their shooting skills, and plus it’s getting really crowded for a half court haha. It’s just not the same anymore.

P.S. Get well soon isabel + ada!!

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I will be

Spend the rest of my year 4 life meaningfully, not counting down to eoys/ the end of eoys.

I will spend it making sure I make time for my studies while making more time to know God, and talking to my classmates more and get to know them better, getting to know more people, spending more time with my family/friends, especially my grandma. I wanna do random special things for my loved ones and surprise them. I wanna work harder for my studies!! I really don’t want to waste the rest of my 2010 and regret it next year. And I also want to take time to get to know myself better, sometimes you think you’re the person who knows yourself best, but I haven’t really been feeling like that lately. I get so lost in other people’s opinions sometimes that I forget my own. And posting this here in the hope that I won’t forget everything I set out to do today because I tend to do that sometimes, judging from the ‘new year resolutions’ pasted on the top of my bed -_-

Soooo I have decided not to spend so much time on the net because it is wasting my life away, seriously. Will go on a hiatus until I manage to do what I set out to do, wish me luck everybodyyyy. Will only update my tumblr/ twitter from now on! (No more fb and wp!!)

So that’s it. HIATUS, hoping I come back a better person :)

(edit 24 August) This is harder than I expected it to be. I’m under so much pressure right now, with French, school tests, eoy preparation, xxxxxx, I need to rant…. Thank God for Sherly thank you for everything babe :D:D:D But my computer is seriously a HUGE distraction, I hate my small attention span + inability to focus. WHY DO I NOT HAVE A SENSE OF URGENCY. @)#*&@(Y($*

P.S. I luvvvvvvv my tablemates a lottttt :D They make me laugh and go insane whenever I’m stressed teehee I’m gonna miss them so much next year.

Why do we miss what we never had

Omg, so many things to blog about :o

First up, GYF!!!! :D

It was not as fun as I expected, but I learnt so so much more than expected. Though the workload after I returned to school was overwhelming I didn’t regret going at all :) Was quite impressed with the student organizing committee, that they managed to plan such a big scale event on their own. The icebreakers @ the start were damn funny HAHA charades. Then the next few days were a lot of academic stuff, I think I actually like economics hehe. The games on the second day were damn fun, yay the financial quotient game was super entertaining amanda was like ‘faster faster faster’ all the way. Had plenty of group discussions, I love my group la we’ll be discussing on the main topic for about 5 mins and then digress the whole way LOL. Duc and Shamus are hilarious ttm, with his random funny comments and shamus looking into his jackets rofl!! The facils were really awesome too, they would always explain to us patiently whatever we didn’t understand, and made us pretty cards! Thanks Shaun and Marzouq :) Damn sad we couldn’t go out after GYF cos of the rehearsal which was cancelled in the end -_-Meh really miss GYF after looking at all the photos :( Ohwell glad I had the opportunity to go for this forum!!

Centrestage!!! :)

After the rehearsal I went to meet ada and vivienne, and we went to eat ice cream for dinner haha unhealthiness ftw. Bought chips to eat in the PAC, butttt Got a really good seat just in front of the judges in the third row, so the Ruffles were wasted ._.
The performers were really stunning, much better than I expected. I didn’t even vote for the group division because they were all so good. Expected more from falling slowly though, one of my favourite songs :)

The weekend was so so so so so awesome!!! :) Spent with my favourite people in the entire world~

Friday: National Day performance! :D

Super nervous before the performance I could feel my heart beating out of my chest lol. But once again I’m really really proud of 4L, despite the little disagreements we had, despite some people putting us down, we managed to pull through everything as a class!!! Even though the performance only lasted for such a short period of time, the time spent practicing together was so much more memorable than the performance itself, who cares if the starting wasn’t perfect, love you 4L!!!! ♥♥♥

Math remedial after that, Trigo seriously sucks man :(
Then mini class lunch @ KFC!! Seriously felt like drinking oil man .____.

HAHAHA super entertained by Xin Tian’s tissuesissues nicerice rap ROFL. Then we all started rapping too hehe. Crazy lunch (Y)

Bus-ed to vivo to meet the retards :D

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Slacked around for a while then off to PartyWorld hehe wah we were super high in the room kept dancing and jumping around because the air-con was so cold!!! Stayed there for 4 hours and sang A LOT of songs.  Took retarded jumpshots in front of the ice sculpture the people must have been thinking how crazy we were… Took more retarded shots in the MRT lol, hahaha love my best friends :)

Pi part 1 + band chalet pictures with Singrue, shall post them soon!! :) &

Pictures of fireworks & National Day Celebrations @ Marina Bay Sands, beautiful place!!

Lovelovelovelove the holidays, dreading tmr .___.

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Your faith was strong but you needed proof

“When people can walk away from you, let them walk. Don’t try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring for you, coming to see you, or staying attached to you. When people can walk away, let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.”
(via doorofhappiness)